There have been a bunch of happy, nice, lovely posts on this site this month during NaBloPoMo. What hasn’t been on the site is the whiny stuff. Well, today is different. And not just because my site was down.

Yesterday I fell down the stairs. We have really steep stairs, and the downstairs is thin rug over concrete. Thankfully, I didn’t hit my head. I did manage to bruise and scrape my butt and my arm. I also whacked my overly-sensitive back wonky. I lost one of my shoes, too. (Update: I found the shoe!)

Chronic Lyme has left me with a sieve-like memory. Yes, worse than “mommy brain”. Unfortunately this means that some people think I’m blowing them off, but I’m not. I’m just having trouble doing everything and remembering everything.

It has also robbed me of my ability to multi-task. I cannot think of two things at once, much less do two things at once. Not even listen to music and write.

It means that if I’m going to take a shower and brush hair, I know that I’m going to have aching shoulders for hours. Add that x3 if all the kids need help. Same thing for mashing potatoes. Thank goodness for helpful girls!

It’s robbed me of friends. Both because dealing with someone sick for 2 years is a burden so they withdraw, and also because I don’t want to burden others, so I sometimes withdraw first.

It’s also robbed me of things with my children – slinging LG as long as I would have otherwise, breastfeeding her as long as I would have, pushing on the swing, running with bikes flying kites, swimming in cold water, all those things.

Its robbed me of money. That $250/month again to medical expenses. There are a lot of other ways I’d like to spend that.

Most of all, Chronic Lyme has robbed me of my spontaneity as well as my ability to plan. I never know what each day is going to hold. Even now that I’m doing better, I still have good days and bad days.